Bleach reacts to
by Callian31
Summary: Just a set of comedy shorts detailing different Bleach characters reactions to different parts of the Fandom. Most recent: Good!Aizen
1. IchiRuki

I don't own Bleach

Icihiruki (VERY Ichiruki):

(Note: This is for entertainment purposes ONLY. I'm not intending to insult any Ichiruki fans out there just because I don't really agree with the coupling. These do NOT express my honest opinion. With that out of the way: enjoy)

Ichigo Kurosaki: OH SWEET MOTHER-! ALL THAT IS HOLY WHO WOULD DRAW THAT!?

Rukia Kuchiki: What the hell!? Ichigo! Explain!

Orihime: *faints*

Yasatoro "Chad" Sado: *Gets wide-eyed and mouth drops open*

Uryu Ishida: What….. the…. Hell.

Byakuya Kuchiki: Who drew this? They shall soon know what true suffering is.

Genryusai Shikeguni Yamamoto: I want surveillance placed in both their places of residence immediately. Rukia Kuchiki is a lieutenant and an important member of our military. She cannot go t the World of the Living whenever she wasts and do ….. THAT.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi: How very…. Intriguing.

Nemu Kurotsuchi:…..

Nanao Ise: *sigh* I thought Kurosaki would have more tact than this.

Retsu Unohana: They MUST use protection.

Ulquiorra Cipher: How utterly ridiculous.

Grimmjow Jaggerjacques: Kurosaki the luck little…..

Szayel Apporo Granz: The wonders of human biology.

Nel (child): WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ITSYGO!

Gin Ichimaru: Oh, I'm SO making a book about this and distributing it to the Seireitei. *grins very largely*

Kaname Tosen: This is… what?

Jugram Haschwath: Whoever made this has a very unbalanced mind.

Bazz-B: The hell is this?

Bambietta Blasterban (hope I spelled that right): Oh my Yhwach and here I was thinking that _I _had sexual tendencies.

Mask De Masculine: How unheroic!

Yhwach: Why did I make this child a war potential again? Ah, yes he's a Shinigami-Quincy-Human-Fullbringer-Hollow-convoluted genetics- unholy mind**** of a living being.

Sosuke Aizen: *stops smirking and stares wide-eyed* This is my fault isn't it?


	2. Fem Ichigo

Fem!Ichigo

Ichigo: WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE BOOBS!?

Rukia: Nii-sama did you draw this?

Byakuya: No, I did not but it is quite hilarious.

Yamamoto: …. Hado #4 Byakurai [Blows a hole through the picture's chest] Much better.

Gin: Ooooooooh, scandalous!

Hisagi: New headline! Ichigo undergoes surgery to become female! Is it due to secret love? And who is this lover? Captain Kuchiki? Lieutenant Abarai? Uryu Ishida?

[It took 10 years to rebuild the Publication center]

Gremmy: Okay even _I _find this dark product of imagination disturbing.

Yhwach: Aaaaaand my all seeing eyes did not need to see THAT!

Haschvaldth: …..

Chizuru: MARRY ME MS. KUROSAKI!

Unohana: 0_0 ….. [throws it in the garbage and starts calling all the psychiatrists of Seireitei]

Yumichika: That's hideous!

Kenpachi: Girl or no Girl FIGHT ME ICHIGO!

Chizuru: Hands off she's mine! Ape man!

Kenpachi: Who ya callin' ape man, girly?

Chizuru: I'LL SHOW YOU GIRLY!

Grimmjow: Wow, uuuuuuuuuuh, Girl Ichigo is actually kinda hot. [blushes]

Ulquiorra: ….. This is a monstrosity. But surprisingly ok. … Who the hell am I fooling this is the mos hideous and horrible thing in all existence.

Aizen: I swear if that was caused by the Hogioku I don't care if I need it for world domination I am throwing it away and personally locking myself up in Muken.

Tosen: JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! What were we talking about again?

Uryu: [blushes]

Chad: This is disturbing

Tatsuki: Ew

Keigo: ICHIGO-KUN IS SO HOT! [Gets kicked in the face]

Mizurio: I being the all-powerful God everyone _knows _I'll be revealed to be I officially declare this sacrilege. [goes back to phone]

Female Orihime: {In pure terror} AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Male Orihime: {In pure delight} AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


	3. ToshiRan

ToshiRan (Toshiro x Rangiku)

Ichigo: [spits out drink] ppppppppppppppppppppfffffffffffffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttt WHAT THE HELL! *cough* Excuse me as I go Bleach my eyes.

Isshin: My Lieutenant is a pedophile! And she wants to **** my former 3rd Seat! MY SWEET DEAR MASAKI WHAT DO I DO! [clings to the poster on the wall]

Karin: *vomits* W-w-what the hell is _that!? _I-I-I uuuuuhhh [joins her father crying by the poster]

Yuzu: [drops plate and stares wide-eyed before promptly fainting]

Gin: THAT'S IT! WHITEY'S GETTING IT! [storms off]

Tosen: I feel like it is a good thing I am blind at this moment. Excuse me. I suddenly have the urge to brutally murder a pedophile.

Aizen: My God, 0_0…. This is quite amusing.

Unohana: I have seen many horrible and gruesome things in my life. Both as Kenpachi and not. And I have to say this is the most absolutely, positively, without a doubt… Nowhere near the top. What? You come back after performing a full-body check-up on Yamamoto and hear Komamura singing in the shower and see what the most terrifying thing in the world is after that.

Yamamoto: I swear are there _no _half-decent Shingami above "18" around here?

Komamura: What are you saying about my singing voice Unohana?

Yachiru: What's this?

Kenpachi: YACHIRU DON'T LOOK! [quickly covers her eyes and dashes away.

Grimmjow: Hey! Get back here ape-man!

Chizuru: That's MY insulting nick-name for him! Find your own!

Grimmjow: [runs around screaming like a child as Chizuru claws at his ….. manhood]

Naruto: I have absolutely no idea why I am here. This is just randomness on the part of the- SWEET KAMI IT'S THE GOD OF RAMEN! [chases Yamamoto around the Seireitei]

Mayuri: Drat! The test subje- eeeeerrr "guest" got away. Also, that picture is the most revolting thing in the universe. Can I have a copy?

Urahara: T-Toshiro? I-I'll just go somewhere else now.

Byakuya: 0_0 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! [hides in a corner for a month]

Rukia: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!

Uryu: Wrong just wrong.

Orihime: Ew

Chad: I'll go over there.

Momo: S-Shiro-ch-ch-chan?

Hisagi: My eyes!

Izuru: Blech

Shinji: Uuuuuuuuh…..

Lisa: Starts taking pictures and notes.

Kyoraku: Excuse me as I go return my lunch to the natural order of things

Rangiku: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? WHO DREW THIS!? FORGET ABOUT MY HAIR THIS IS JUST WRONG! No words can describe my horror. CAPTAIN! You need to see this.

Toshiro: [stares at the picture wide-eyed for the longest time] What …. the… he-

Gin: TOSHIRO! You shall pay for corrupting Ran-chan and taking her away from me!

Toshiro: What the Hell!? Ichimaru? What are you doing here? Listen I have no ide-

Gin: SILENCE! Now, die! Bankai! Toshiro Killing Giant Badass Sword That Rips Apart exactly Ten Skyscrapers, Twenty Five-Story Buildings, and Kills 50 to 60 Shinigami Every Blow!

Toshiro: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF BANKAI NAME IS THAT!?

[They fight until Rangiku shows up and clears things up with Gin who heads back to Hueco Mundo. No Shinigami died]

What's your reaction?

I'll probably throw in some characters from other series every now and then. Though, what Naruto says is a reference to a is obscure though and it is only mentioned in one line and never brought up again so if you can guess good luck. It is a crossover.


	4. UlquiJow

I don't own Bleach

UlquiJow (Ulquiorra x Grimmjow):

Ichigo: I always knew those two had a thing going on.

Kenpachi: FIGHT ME!

Grimmjow's Fraccion: CALLED IT!

Stark: *snoring* Wha- huh? SWEET GOD WHAT IS THAT!?

Lilinette: *barfs*

Barrgan: …. That is very very wrong. TAKE MORE PICTURES AND POST THEM AROUND ALL OF HUECO MUNDO!

Hallibel: Does Grimmjow have no shame?

Nnorita: I don't f*****' care

Zommari: Breathe Zommari, breathe and meditate.

Szayel: So much to study!

Aarinero: Is that how you feel whole? You there random Arancar! Get me more tapes like this! It completes me! (hands him Icha Icha) WOOHOO!

Yammy: blech

Aizen: Do I LOOK like I give a damn?

Gin: *starts taking more pictures* This is _so _going on Facebook.

Tosen: I am blind. I get the feeling that at the moment that is a great blessing.

Nel (adult): How unsavory.

Grimmjow: *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh* *pant**pant**pant* *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* Sorry, I had a bad lunch. *sees picture* F*** guess they found out.

Ulquiorra: *huff* I thought it was obvious. For those of you who are unaware this is all just simply a way I pass the time whenever I have nothing to do. Grimmjow means nothing to me.

Grimmjow: Hey! I heard that!

Ulquiorra: You sound like I care.

Orihime: (gets nosebleed and faints)


	5. Evil Urahara

Evil!Urahara

Ichigo: No! But but but we were bros and everything!

Whhhhhhhhhhy!

Ryuuken: Never trusted that man.

Kenpachi: Now I can finally fight you!

Byakuya: Manipulative bastard! I shall gouge out your intestines and and and …. actually I was going to do that anyways.

Aizen: ….. I thought it was obvious.

Gin: Great, another evil psycho I need to kill!

Tosen: I shall kill you for justoce!

Yhwach: My eyes forsaw this. Ooooooooo creepy overused monologue.

Yamamoto: So, we were right 100 years ago! Dammit! Tricked again.

Unohana: *sigh* What is with all pf the bettayals these days?

Soi Fon: F*****' KNEW that man was trouble

Uryu: Can't believe I'm agreeing with my father.

Isshin: Why did you save my wife then!?

Misaki: Ugh, well I'm just going to leave and forget all of this bullshit.

Tesai, Ururu, Jinta, and Yoruichi: WHY DO NONE OF THESE STORIES TALK ABOUT OUR

REACTIONS!

Regular/ Good Urahara: (flushes toilet and leaves bathroom) Hey everyone what'd I miss?

Everyone: GET HIM!

Urahara: (unleashes girly scream of girlyness before rushing back into bathroom and escapes via flushing himself into the Ministry of Magi).


	6. Good Aizen

I don't own Bleach

Good!Aizen

Ichigo: Well, this is great and all. But when's this guy gonna figure out that I DON'T WANT ANY F****** TEA!

Orihime: Hello Aizen-kun! Would you like a brownie with steak sauce and a filling of Wasabi?

Uryu: Sooooooooooooo, does this mean we skip to the psycho Quincy people?

Yamamoto: Hello! If you wouldn't mind stepping into this interro- errrrrrrr waiting room until we can verify your legitimacy it would be most appreciated.

Shunsui: Want some Sake?

Ukitake: Hello there! Would you like to *cough* *cough* *cough* m-maybe another time *cough*.

Unohana: Good! Our Aizen missed his medical inspection so I'll have you do them instead. Please don't mind the giant mallet.

Kenpachi: Don't know how you got here nor do I care. FIGHT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Keigo: Another one!? RUN AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!

Grimmjow: Sooooooooooo, who's our eternal ruler now?

Ulquiorra: *sigh* The one that turned us into Arrancar Grimmjow.

Grimmjow: Ok! (packs his bags and head to the Seireitei) Glasses Aizen is sexier anyways!

Ulquiorra: (in a bland voice) Facepalm.

Tier Hallibel: *ahem* I hearby "sacrifice" myself and my fraccion to the Aizen less likely to blow our heads off for his amusement. (they get the hell out of there)

Stark: (opens a single eye for a moment before going back to sleep) ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Barrgan: WHICH ONE DO I KILLLLLL!

Momo: Hello Aizen-taicho! Do you want me to take your bags, how about clean your glasses? Or would you rathere I wash your entire bedroom? I could wash your clothes if you want!

Toshiro: *sigh* This is a disaster _waiting _to happen.

Byakuya: I concur.

Tosen: Justice must be served!

Everyone: SHUT UP ALREADY!

Tosen: (goes hide in a corner)

Gin: Oh yay! Me gets to have killing Aizen practice- IIIIIIII mean I'll go destroy this imposter right away in the name of our eternal tyrant and God Sosuke Aizen! Yeah yeah, that'll do.

Good!Aizen: _WTF is this!?_

Canon!Aizen: (deadpanning) I wonder that myself sometimes.

Good!Aizen: Ah, I see. So, why do you look like me?

Canon!Aizen: Well, I'm your pure evil counterpart that's about to kill you.

Good!Aizen: Ok. _WAIT,_ WHAT!? (Starts running for his freaking life)

Yhwach: I foresaw this.

Joker: Best… prank…. EVER! I'm going to love this dimensional transporter!

_**Author's Notes:**__** Sorry this hasn't been updated in so long! Hope you enjoy!**_


	7. Grandpa Yama

I don't own Bleach

Grandpa of Ichigo!Yamamoto

Ichigo: WTF!? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME!

Byakuya: Kurosaki-sama, would you mind marrying Rukia?

Ichigo: Eh? WHY!? AND SINCE WHEN DID YOU CALL ME –SAMA!?

Rukia: Ni-sama! You can't marry me off to _Ichigo _just like that!

Byakuya: Not now, Rukia, I'm trying to increase my political standing!

Yuzu: So I'm related to a pyromaniac old guy?

Karin: Even more proof that our lives are bullshit.

Kenpachi: Don't care, fight me!

Ikkaku: Then me!

Yumichika: The hell are you lookin' at!? Stay away from me you hideous mongrel!

Unohana: Uuuuuuuuum, everyone-

Uryu: *sigh* this explains so much.

Chad:…. So?

Orihime: Wow, Kurosaki-kun. You're related to a hot old person! (Orihime troll face)

Yhwach: Yama's certainly been busy while I was asleep. *sigh* How is it I'M still a virgin!?

Soi Fon: Wait, does thi mean I have to RESPECT this this this miscreant!

Unohana: Everyone-

Urahara: Maa, maa, aren't you special Kurosaki-san?

Isshin: Guys-

Yoruichi: Guess this means you're heir to the Gotei, Ichigo.

Masaki's ghost: People, please…

Aizen: Geez, where the f*** did THAT come from? I've watched this boy his whole life. You'd think I'd know!

Kyoraku: Yama-jii you've been keeping secrets from us, haven't you? Huhuhuhuhu

Ukitake: (whispering) Um, Shunsui I don't think Ichigo's eally-

Shunsui: I know just play along.

Everyone: Starts rattling off varying degrees of amusement, shock, and insanity.

Yamamoto: QUIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

(Everyone is silent)

Yamamoto: Now, I have no idea who posted this ridiculous excuse for a family tree but I can _assure _you I am not in any way related to Ichigo Kurosaki.

Byakuya: (upset) Reaaaaaaaaaaally.

Unohana: Yes, Captain Kuchiki really. If the Head-Captain had children recently I'd know about it. He hasn't had any for over 2,000 years! It's been so long we have no idea where his descendants are. It's possible but very improbable that Kurosaki-kun is descended from him but, and I can't stress this enough, VERY unlikely. So, sorry Captain Kuchiki you cannot marry off your sister under the guise of political gain to Kurosaki because of some mysterious pretense that makes you think they're dating and your eternal mission to make her happy.

Rukia: Aaaaaaaaaaah, Nii-sama that' sweeeeeeeeeeet. But I'm not dating Ichigo. What on Earth could have made you think that?

Byakuya: Chapter 1.

Ichigo: Yeah, I like Rukia but never want to marry her!

Rukia: And why's that!?

Ichigo: Uh, uh, I- uh.

Rukia: You think I wouldn't make a good wife!? Is that it?

Ichigo: N-no I-

Byakuya: How dare you disrespect my sister.

Ichigo: N-no I wasn' oh, oh god. Oh dear God save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (runs away)

Rukia: Dance, Sode no Shirayuki! Byakuya: Scatter, Senbonzakura.

(the entire Seireitei explodes in a flurry of Ice and cherry blossoms)

Yamamoto: *sigh* Even more proof my life is bullshit.

Gin: Wonder what kinda trouble I should cause next!

**_Sorry about not updating!_**


	8. GrimmIchi

I don't own Bleach

Hey! I Actually updated the fic for once!

GrimmIchi

Ichigo: WTF!? What the hell is this!?

Rukia: SQUUUUEEEEEEEEEEE! YAOI! Work it you two!

Renji: Soooooooooo uh, this is a thing huh? (nosebleed)

Byakuya: Kurosaki courting the enemy!? Well, considering that Hollow's outward appearance I can't say I'm too surprised.

Tatsuki: I always thought Ichigo was gay. Alright, time to begin… The Called That Sh*t Dance (begins dancing)

Orihime: GRIMMJOW! HOW DARE YOU STEAL KUROSAKI-KUN FROM ME! (marches off in a fit of Divine Punishment)

Uryu: A Hollow, really Kurosaki? I'd think you'd have more humility than that.

Chad:…. Was this not obvious?

Ulquiorra: This explains so much.

Grimmjow: Ok, who stole that poster from my room!

Stark: Wait, so you do have a thing for Kurosaki?

Aizen: I thought the sexual tension was kind of obvious.

Yhwach: Once again my All-seeing eyeballs did not have to see THAT!

Yamamoto: EXCELLENT! Quickly, Kurosaki Ichigo, go seduce that Arrancar and probe him for information!

Mayuri: And while you're at it please record it. This is a wonderful way to study Arrancar mating habit AND their exterior anatomy.

Jiraiya: Preach it.

Isshin: Wait, my son's gay!? Nooooooooooooooo, what about my grandkids?!

Karin: Well, there goes being a supportive father. Kinda sad really.

Masaki's Ghost: I support him!

Karin: 0_0 W…..T….F MOM!?

Ichigo: You can all just go die now.


	9. HP crossovers

I don't own Bleach

Hey look, I updated! The world is ending.

Harry Potter crossovers!:

Toshiro: Why the hell am _I _the one always getting sent to the magical school!? AND WHO THE HECK IS THIS HERMIONE PERSON I APPARENTLY FALL IN LOVE WITH!

Ichigo: So, I'm Gryffindor for bravery, huh? Well, I can see that.

Orihime: Wow! I get to go to a castle! (eyes shine like stars)

Rukia: The heck is a "Ravenclaw"? And why am I in it?

Byakuya: There is a school that teaches children how to unleash deadly forces on a whim? We already have one of those here in the Soul Society. Why must we send high ranking Shinigami to this other one?

Yamamoto: Why am I sending all of my _Japanese _operatives to Britain? WE HAVE BRITISH SOUL REAPERS FOR A REASON HERE! What? You were expecting 6,000 Japanese people to be in charge of a world of over 7,000,000,000 multicultured individuals being harbored into the afterlife? Don't kid yourself.

Retsu: It appears this "Hogwarts" requires better safety protocols with how often students are sent to the hospital wing. I think not condoning students flying around on cleaning tools 50 to 100 feet in the air would be a good start.

Kenpachi: Hey, that Snape guy looks strong. FIGHT ME!

Gin: Huh, look at that. They have a creepy guy with a snake fetish. We must be related. Hey cousin Tom! (waves)

Voldemort: Who the hell are you people?

Aizen: We're Gods of Death.

Voldemort: Ok, now I DEFINITELY want to be immortal.

Mayuri: Hmmmmm, how interesting. I must procure some of these wizards for experimentation!

Momo: Am I the only one concerned by the attitudes towards Slytherin.

Ulquiorra: You're all idiots.

Yhwach: Hmmmmm, I wonder if I can convince these wizards they're actually Quincies and add them to my army. Hmmmmmm….


End file.
